Dark Things To Come
by JaneN7BlackWidow
Summary: Alternate Universe. Garrus Vakarian is training under Saren Arterius to become a Spectre. Commander Jane Shepard is ordered by the Alliance to find out what is happening to the missing human ships that keep disappearing. Garrus and Shepard Romance eventually. Rated M for super dark themes. Mostly Renegade. Better summary is inside.
1. Shepard's Salvation

**Alternate Universe. It's been years since the First Contact War and the tensions between the Turians and the Humans have only gotten worse. War is possible between the two species.**

 **The Council has been trying to stay out of it, letting them work out their differences. Lies, rumors, and false prophets have made both sides untrustworthy.**

 **Human colonies and ships have been raided with humans being taken for "slavery." Commander Jane Shepard does her job in hunting down these "Batarian Slavers", who the Council said was involved with the missing humans. Yet the Humans believe the Turians are truly the ones that are responsible.**

 **Garrus Vakarian is an undercover agent working for Spectre Saren Arterius trying to get enough evidence to revoke his Spectre status. Saren is the reason alone why humans have been disappearing and Garrus needs the hard evidence to prove that to the Council.**

 ***Mature Content for dark themes such as rape, drugs, violence (gore), and sex. Bioware owns everything but the quotes used at the beginning of each chapter which will be referenced.**

 **P.S. Since this is an Alternate Universe obviously the characters will be way different than that of the videogame, this is a fanfiction after all. It is super dark, not meant to have a happy ending. I have been working on this piece for about a year and half now, i have reread it a hundred times and edited it as best I could but there are obviously going to be some errors. It isn't meant to be perfect grammar and structured sentences. This is the darkest piece I have ever written and I also happen to think it is the best.**

 *******Do not continue reading if you are faint of the heart. Spoiler alert: This is a really dark fanfiction. Shepard is tortured and raped (not by Garrus) in these next few chapters so read with caution. Don't say I didn't warn you.*******

 _"Streets stank of fire. The void breathed hard on my heart, turning its illusions to ice, shattering them. Was reborn then, free to scrawl own design on this morally blank world." -Rorschach, Watchmen Graphic Novel_

There are circumstances that happen in everyone's life that change them into the person they are today. For Shepard each terrible moment that has ever happened in her life slowly chipped away the soft petals of a beautiful rose only to leave the thorns on a withered, burnt stem. She learned from a young age that she would never give up. Shepard must do everything in her will power to never give up. She made a vow long before signing up for the military that she wouldn't let anyone beat her down again. She wouldn't let anyone break her, again.

So she wasn't going to give up now just because it seemed like she was in a hopeless situation.

"Are you even listening?" The Turian asked breaking Shepard from her dark thoughts. She opened her eyes to find the alien standing in front of her.

Shepard was currently naked. Her wrist were cuffed tightly together while being chained to the ceiling. Her shoulders ached from being held vertical. The lack of blood in her finger tips were making them tingle. Her toes barely touched the cold floor only slightly giving her the relief she so desperately needed.

The Turian, with green clan markings, was holding a leather whip in his left hand, it had an electric blue shock on the tip of it. Every time it was used it would light up blue. She narrowed her eyes with so much hate, she could barely focus. She vowed that one day he would die.

Shepard shook her head admittedly and mockingly; her short dark red hair spilling over her face, it felt like silk compared to the whip. She had a small angry smile which only antagonized the Turian even more. She was trying to piss him off. She felt a lot of pain but she has tolerated worse in her life, she wasn't going to give into this cocksucker.

He growled. "A slave doesn't mock their Masters. You will OBEY!" He moved around to her back side. She tensed when she heard him bring the whip up, a loud crack went through the air, a second later the pain came. The sting went all the way through her body, the shock made her heart beat rapidly and her nerves twitch uncontrollably. She clenched her jaw, teeth grinding together, as she tried to ignore it as best as she could. She tried to block it out, tried to think of something other than being whipped by this fucking asshole, but nothing worked. No amount of training was going to make this go away. He was still there and she was still in this fucked up nightmare.

"If you would just give up already we can be done with this, it will show your submission." He sighed like he was tired, or bored, she didn't know which was worse. Then he shrugged when she wouldn't say anything. "You shall submit eventually." His voice was condescending filled with arrogance. She absolutely fucking hated it.

"Fuck you." She said for the fiftieth time while turning her head to look at him from over her shoulder. Her back was starting to bleed, she could feel the warm liquid drip down her legs. The bullet wound on her shoulder reopened causing her arm to feel numb.

Just as she turned her head, he punched her directly in the face. She felt the pain immediately and her vision got blurry. She started laughing because of it, she wanted to get him mad, she wanted to get him pissed off, that's when they make mistakes. She spat on the floor, blood in her white teeth when she smiled, her face hurt so bad but she didn't show it. She couldn't show the weakness.

 _Don't give up. Never. Give. Up._

Another crack through the air then the shock of the electricity on the end hit her upper back, it almost made her pass out. She tensed up and fought against the pain, the convulsions happening in her chest. Her back hurt worse now and it stung like he was starting to whip at opened flesh. As if to prove a point she feels her own warm blood drip down again. She almost whimpered but instead she bit her tongue. The taste of copper filled her mouth.

 _Don't show the weakness. Don't be a coward_. Her father's voice was in her head now. A comfort that she didn't expect to find.

She looked at the Turian when he came walking around to her front. She hated him. She took a full mental image of him just then to remember everything about this fucktard. He had an unusual emerald green looking clan markings with darker green eyes, she would never forget his face, never. "I'll kill you. One day I will fucking kill all of you." He smacked her across the face again this time with an opened palm not a closed fist. Her head flipped to the side. Her hair falling, covering her face again, blood mingling in the strands. The sting was worst this time. Her eyelids felt super heavy. She spit more blood on the floor and then looked back at him. She said breathing heavily, "Is that the best you got?" Blood mixed with her teeth and gums, slightly dripping down her chin. The Turian growled at her and then grabbed the back of her head with her hair and pulled down hard. Shepard grunted. She gritted her teeth together letting the anger over throw her pain.

"We can do this all day." He growled merely inches from her face. The smell of his foreign turian scent made her nauseous. She started to feel woozy like the loss of blood was finally weighing in on her. She let her head fall forward, suddenly it felt to heavy to lift up.

At that moment, Shepard knew there would be no end to this. This is just one of moments that will change her forever. She stood there chained and naked, like a fucking animal with her head hung glaring at the alien in front of her. In her mind she was visioning his death and multiple others who had forced her there. She was going to kill them all. She made that promise to herself, even if it was the last promise she'd ever make.

 _I will kill them all or die trying._

 _12 Hours Earlier Uncharted Planet:_

A squadron of Batarian slavers was hiding out in a small building. Two men were guarding the perimeter. Shepard was posted out of sight. She was laying prone with her sniper rifle, looking through the crosshairs on a Batarians ugly fucking face. Two of her best operatives were watching her back, Miller and Jenkins.

" _Commander, we've got a problem here_." XO Kaidan Alenkos voice came through the Commander's ear piece. She inwardly cringed but still remained professional. Kaidan gave her the fucking creeps, and not the good kind.

"What is it Alenko? Handle it. I'm busy." She responded then squeezed the trigger to her sniper rifle. In the distance the Batarian's head exploded. Shepard smiled, she loved the feeling of getting a headshot, especially on a fucker like that. She then aimed quickly at the other Batarian, firing a perfect headshot before the guy had time to notice his buddy's head just exploded.

" _There's an unmarked ship approaching the Normandy. They look like they are trying to board."_ His voice sounded agitated. There was an unmistakable tightness to it. Jane didn't like it.

Her instincts went on high alert. The familiar feeling of adrenaline rushing through her veins overpowered her. "Lock up the ship do not give them access. I repeat do not give them access. I'm taking the shuttle to you now." Her voice was strong, demanding.

 _"It's too late Commander, I already gave them the okay. They looked harmless. They said they came in peace."_ His voice sounded so strange to her ears she almost didn't recognize him.

"Fuck off Alenko, then why did you even radio me? I didn't authorize you to do that. Do not let them on board. I'm telling you right now if you do I will get your ass discharged." She wasn't lying. After they finished what was going on here she'd get his ass fired.

 _"But... Commander-"_ He stuttered like a little child who is disagreeing with their parents.

 _"_ Don't listen to what they say they are not here to talk to us about making a deal they are here to kill us or worse, take us!" Shepard practically screamed in her helmet. Her heart was racing, her stomach dropped with dread, something bad was going to happen. Reports have been coming in all month in this area, a lot of human crews, alliance and merchant ships, were being taken by someone and they were luring people in by boarding their ships with authorization. It's why Shepard was there now, the Batarian outpost was just a cover. Everything about this situation screamed horrible and Alenko was a fucking naive moron.

 _"Their Captain just wants to talk. He's a Spectre, Shepard. I have to listen…I'll wait for you to get here."_ Alenko says then disconnects the communications abruptly. He pretty much gave her an order and that pissed her off. Anger flowed into her veins like she was being dipped in ice cold water. She started to shake because of it. _What was a Spectre doing all the way out here? IS the Council finally doing their fucking jobs?_

"Fuck!" Shepard yelled and then ran as fast as she could to the shuttle. The two squad members that were originally with her, Miller and Jenkins, followed behind with worried glances, but she ignored them and they knew better than to say anything.

They boarded the shuttle right when they got to it. Shepard barely giving time for the doors to close. She punched a few commands on the touch screen and the shuttle took off instantly. She tossed her helmet off somewhere in her anger and threw it against the wall. She opened and closed her hands trying so desperately not to punch the metal wall and break her hand. She calmed herself down quickly. She needed to focus. Anger was the worst thing to have in a situation like this. She needed to be smart, calm, and collected.

They got to the Normandy within minutes. The hatch automatically opening when they arrived to the cargo bay.

She ran hard to the top floor with Jenkins and Miller both on her heels. When they got in the room she nearly tumbled from stopping to a full halt before bringing up her pistol.

She saw the Turians, only 5 of them, and Kadian standing next to each other like they were old friends simply having a chat. They all noticed her and turned.

The leader, which was obvious because he walked forward first, came up to her. He had a bare face, no clan markings which Jane understood as untrustworthy, his eyes glowed blue, like an unnatural blue that didn't seem logically possible. Shepard recognized him almost immediately. She got a bad feeling looking at him. His face was sharp and angular all over, in person he looked even more deadly. Her instincts told her to get the fuck away from him. He eyed her obsessively and it made her skin crawl with disgust. She seriously felt sick to her stomach. Saren Arterius. He was the Sepctre that the Council sent? It didn't sit right with Shepard and she knew she should trust her instincts which were screaming at her not to put her gun down.

"What do you want?" Jane demanded while aiming her pistol at his face. Her finger rested gently on the trigger. Her voice was tough and strong. She didn't show any emotion.

"What? No introductions?" He motioned to the four men standing behind him. All Turians. All from different clans. He didn't look worried that she had a gun pointed right at his face. In fact he looked as calm as ever, like this was an everyday thing for him, that she is merely an inconvenience. That angered her more. He eyes the gun being pointed at him. "You know it is a criminal offense to point a gun at a Spectre. I could kill you right now and I'd be called a hero for it."

"Then why haven't you yet?" She narrowed her eyes at him. She has heard of his ruthless 'Spectre' reputation. She realized right there that he was the reason why she was out here. She was looking for the person responsible for taking humans and he was standing directly in front of her.

"That's a good question. You'll know the answer soon enough. Commander Jane Shepard. Sister of Captain John Shepard." He laughed in a mocking tone like her title was a joke, her brother always overshadowing her. His loud voice echoing off the metal walls. All this talk was futile and pointless. She should have pulled the trigger just then to be done with it. She should have just killed him right there, but she didn't. For some illogical reason she didn't pull the trigger and she would regret this decision for the rest of her god forsaken life.

"They want to discuss a possible alliance." Kaidan blurted out on que. Both Shepard and Saren narrowed their eyes at him. Even Saren didn't like Kaidan, that much was obvious. He was just a tool, a toy to be played with.

"Shut the fuck up Kaidan!" She yelled and gave Kaidan the death stare, one she only gave to people she truly wanted dead.

Kaidan snapped his mouth shut and Saren laughed. It was hollow and had no humor in it. Completely fake, emotionless. "Funny since he is the one that gave you up to us." He spoke while looking at Shepard.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Shepard glanced back at Kaidan who had this guilty sour look on his face. He wouldn't meet her eyes.

 _Fucking coward._

"To keep the Humans and the Turians from going to war we have agreed on terms." Kaidan muttered like a fucking varen.

"This is fucking bullshit Kaidan I can't believe you would listen to this prick. He is lying!" She said getting angrier and angrier with each breath. She still had her gun pointed at Saren her finger itched to pull the trigger. The four other Turians that was with Saren moved closer towards her with assault rifles pointed at her.

"It doesn't matter anymore. What's done is done. Kaidan will take your place and work for me. That is the deal." Saren said as a matter of fact, like he was bored and this was simply wasting his precious time.

She glared at Kaidan accusingly. "What kind of deal is that Kaidan? You should have never signed up for to Alliance, coward." Honestly if she had a choice she would have killed him right then and there. Her finger twitched on her trigger. She glanced at the four men and they stepped closer towards her. Still having their rifles pointed at her. She was fucked. She glared back at Kaidan.

He doesn't even have the balls to look at her in the eyes when he says it. "They want you Commander. They said they will stop killing us if you go with them. I will take over after you are gone and help Saren with intel, it is.. it is the only way, or they will kill us all." He stuttered again. Shepard wanted so badly to put a bullet in his head.

"You coward. They are using you! Can't you see that? You have no fucking dignity." She felt so much anger and hate she had a hard time controlling it.

Jenkins and Miller both brought up their weapons. Jenkins was loyal to Kaidan because they were friends. Shepard thought they may even have a sexual relationship but she never cared. Miller was one of her most loyal operative and she trusted him the most. He had the experience and he always followed orders without question. Shepard could see out of the corner of her eye that they were eyeballing each other.

The four Turians then put away their rifles, bringing out these electric rods. They were super long, about 5-6 feet and it had an electric blue shock on the end. They moved even closer to her. Close enough that they can get her with the rods.

"Touch me and I will kill you." Shepard said at the same time pointing her pistol at the closest Turian walking toward her. He stopped instantly. Miller aimed at the 2nd Turian that was closer to him. She looked around the CIC and there wasn't any staff then out of the corner of her eye she saw a Geth connected to one of the Normandy's console. It caught her off guard. She only seen photos and vids of Geth she has never seen one in person and she couldn't help but let her eyes drift a little longer than she meant too.

The Turian that was in front of her moved a step closer. She pulled the trigger back slightly but not enough to make the gun go off. She glanced back at Miller who gives her a firm nod knowing this is it. "You take one more step and I'll fucking shoot you." She said. Her voice deep. She barely recognized herself.

The Turian took a step and went to stab the rod at her. She pulled the trigger. He dropped to the floor instantly with a bullet in his head. Kaidan dropped to the ground covering his ears, Jenkins aims to shoot but before he does Miller already pointed his gun at him and shot him in the chest. Jenkins was still young. Naive. Never seen real death; he died almost instantly.

Shepard then shot a few rounds off at the 3rd Turian next to her. He fell to the floor dead. Two Turians down. Two more too go, plus Saren and the Geth that hasn't moved from the console. The other two Turians came rushing forward so fast Shepard barely had time to react. One Turian went for Shepard and the other went for Miller.

She moved her gun to point at him but they were already too close. She managed to get two shots off, one pierced the guys foot. The wounded Turian screamed in pain and then she heard a few more gunshots behind her, Miller was shooting the other Turian. She was taken down to the ground by the Turian she shot. They rolled while she fought to get to her pistol she aimed it at the fucker that was trying to pin her down. She fired a few rounds that missed. Or maybe they grazed him she wasn't sure.

Then in the mist of all the chaos she heard one single gunshot and then nothing but silence. She turned her head, being distracted by the noise, and saw Miller drop to his knees then to the floor with a bullet wound in his head, dead. Saren stood behind him. His face completely calmed and relaxed like he didn't have a care in the world. Even for a Turian his face remained completely impassive his eyes were so robotic, it would have scared a lesser mind.

He pointed the gun at Shepard's face, his finger on the trigger. "Drop it." He ordered. His voice calm. Not a hint of worry. Two Geth came out of no-where. Guns pointed at her.

Shepard glanced around the room and sees that everyone is pretty much dead, except for the guy still on top of her holding her down and Kaidan. The Geth that was at the console wasn't there anymore, she assumed it is one of the Geth approaching her. She glanced back at Kaidan and glared.

She sees him curled up in a ball on the floor sucking his thumb rocking back and forth, not really but she imagined that's what he looked like. He was really sitting besides Jenkins body looking down at it with a blank stare. His hands were covered in Jenkins blood.

She ignored him and kept her focus on Saren. Who still held the gun from point blank range at her face. The two Geth on his sides. She was what they say royally fucked. "I'll kill everyone on this ship if you don't comply. Including your pilot, your doctor, your Captain, everyone you know and love will be killed." He was serious too. He wasn't the type to make threats and not follow up on them. Shepard has lost her whole team before. They called her the Butcher of Torphan and they were right. She wasn't going to let her entire team die again. She saw Millers dead body and thought of his sister, Karli. She should be in the drive core with Adams. Shepard hoped they were safe. She hoped that Presley and Joker had the sense to get everyone hidden to a safe place.

She aimed her gun slightly toward the Turian that was pinning her down and fired. The shot made her ears ring. Blue blood sprayed everywhere on her face and armor. Her hearing felt clouded but she was used to it, then she felt pain in her right shoulder. She looked down and saw a gunshot wound. "Next one will be in your face." Saren said while aiming the weapon at her face. She winced then everything became blurry. She dropped the gun. The dead Turian on top of her was getting heavier. His blood pouring on her. The Geth moved in super-fast then.

"Send more men. I have retrieved the merchandise." Saren said in his com. Then applied medigel to her wound to make it stop bleeding. The pain was slowly easing.

The two machines take the dead Turian off her easily and then dragged her forcing her to stand. Shepard winced and then they let her go. Then she went for the knife that was attached to her belt.

Saren was standing behind her and obviously saw this coming so he simply dug his talon into her gunshot wound as hard as he could. Her right shoulder screamed with agony. She gasped out loud in pain she ended up dropping the knife. "There will be none of that pet." Then four other Turians she didn't recognize came in with those same rods plus two more Geth. So now there are four Geth and four Turians plus Saren. One of the Turians brought out a pair of cuffs that looked super high tech and pretty painful. He tried to latch them onto her wrist but she pulled away. That's when they electrocuted her. Her whole body convulsed as she dropped to the floor. Saren made a growling noise that sounded like an angry animal. "Corbius you turned it on too high now we have to drag her out of here." He didn't sound happy about it either.

Shepard refused to be dragged out like an animal so she forced her body to stand. Her legs were shaky, her body was still shaking. "Well look at that, looks like she's a fighter. This will be fun, Boss." Corbius, Saren had called him, spoke. Shepard almost threw up.

"Just remember she is MINE to take not yours. You are just breaking her in." Saren told him.

"Fuck you." She tried to elbow him but he was faster and dodged it easily. Their conversation was so surreal, she almost didn't believe they were having it. With words like merchandise and mine to take was a whole other level that Shepard wasn't prepared for. She knew that humans were being taken, but for what exactly? That was a question she hadn't wanted to find the answer too.

"You are going to make this difficult aren't you?" Corbius said while bringing this black carbon fiber chain thing that looked impossible to break. It had a matching thick collar attached to it. She has seen similar things in BSDM clubs, she never participated. He clamped it tight around her neck then clicked the connecting chain to her cuffs. The chain then extended a few feet like a leash for a dog. It was meant to make some submit.

She stayed put till they started walking forward yanking on the chain to make her walk. She vowed she would kill Kaidan for this. Vowed she would kill everyone that was involved with this. On the way towards the airlock. She looked for Joker in the pilots chair but he wasn't there. She felt relieved by that actually. He was able to hide before the Turians could do anything else to her crew. She just wanted her crew safe. She has seen so many people die through-out her life. She tried to keep herself emotionally detached from her crew but she as the commanding officer had to make a choice. And at this point this is was the choice she could make that wouldn't lead to everyone dying.

She glanced back at Saren briefly while walking and glaring. He was mean looking. Then again all Turians are mean looking. His mandibles are sharp and angular making him look even more dangerous. Even being in his presence, Shepard felt this knawing on the back of her skull. Something dark pulling her in. It was his eyes. They were so unnatural.

"Stop." He said right when they got to a random door once they entered his ship. He walked by it and it opened for him automatically. It was a medium sized room, a perfect looking square. There were those same black "chains" hanging from the ceiling. Another pair was on the floor for feet.

The room itself was made out of some metal material, only it wasn't. It was shiny but grey at the same time. There was a drain in the center of it, but no water faucet, no toilet, no sink, completely bare other than the chains.

"Strip your armor." He ordered still pointing the gun at her.

"What for?" She asked stupidly, she knew what for but she was stalling. Her shoulder throbbed feeling shattered she didn't even know if she could take her armor off at this point

"Do it." He growled that time when he spoke.

"Fuck you." She said. She looked around the room for something to use. There was nothing. No escape. She had no where else to go. The only thing she could do was wait, be patient and hopefully she could find a way out of this. A smarter way out of this that will end up her alive and not dead.

"Such a nasty mouth on you." He clicked his mandibles against his face in irritation. "You'll be punished for disobeying. Slave." He growled out the word slave. That's when she realized how truly fucked she was. They weren't just taking her as a prisoner of war. They were taking her to be their fucking slave. She knew that's what Saren had in mind when he called her his merchandise but the reality of the situation hit hard. This was a much more worse of an outcome than Shepard had originally thought. She felt a panic attack rising in her chest. She forced it down. She still held firm. They were going to have to rip her armor off her body. She wasn't going to give in on this one.

She narrowed her eyes at him. "Fuck off."

"Suit yourself." Saren said stepping out of the room. The door closed and part of the wall moves away to reveal a large window. He keyed a couple commands outside and then everything turned a bright electric blue.

The ground began to electrify. Shepard barely had time to think before the whole world spun and then everything went black. Her body convulsed with so much pain she hoped for death to be quick.

Shepard woke up some time later. Her head hung low, throbbing making everything blurry. She was looking at her naked body when she opened her eyes. She groaned when she tried to move, only to realize her wrists are cuffed to the ceiling and her ankles chained to the floor. She was dangling by her arms. Toes barley touching the floor.

The doors opened revealing the Turian, Corbius. His face was darker than most Turians and he had light green clan markings with darker green eyes. He was holding a whip when he walked in. His eyes get darker when they land on her.

"You have an attitude, pet. Let's see if we can't fix that." He cracks the whip in the air making a loud noise that almost caused Shepard to jump.

"Fuck you." She practically growled.

For the third time in Shepard's life, she was going to be tortured.

He cracked the whip and a few seconds later the pain came on her lower back. She bit down and closed her eyes, trying so desperately not to scream. The shock was a minor one compared to the one before but it still left her muscles tightening up in pain.

"You will speak when I allow you too and you will address me as Master." Another lash on her back, her knees dropped to the floor. She still has her eyes closed and her teeth clenched. Her mind trying to block out what is happening but nothing is working. For some reason she is trying not to laugh. Could this really be happening? And not just some fucked up nightmare?

"Fuck you." She said again gripping the chains with her hands and helping herself stand up. Her legs felt like jello. Her breathing is hard now. She coughed trying to catch her breath, her heart beating fast in her throat.

"I'm going to ask you some questions. Each time you don't answer I will give you one lash." He walked around to her front side. She glared at him with all her hate. "If you continue to disobey me I will give more lashes. Understand?" His Turian mandibles opened wide, so she imagined that was a grin, or something like it. She wanted to kill him. She imagined slicing his throat with her favorite sword. It actually made her feel slightly better even in her current situation. She imagined his blue blood pouring out of his neck, and the life in his precious green eyes fade away. She realized then that she would enjoy it. Does that make her a monster? Maybe. But at this point it doesn't fucking matter.

"What are the humans planning? And where are they striking next?" He demanded.

Shepard laughed then narrowed her eyes and spit in his face. "Fuck you." She said again while laughing. This guy is a fucking idiot.

He growled then sighed like he was tired. "Wrong answer." He walked behind her and lashed out his whip again hitting her on the upper back this time. She falls to her knees again but still doesn't scream. She bit her tongue, she can taste the metallic flavor of blood in her mouth.

He asked her a bunch more useless questions about the humans and stupid things that only made sense if someone was brain washing him. Each time he'd ask a question, she responded with the same answer. He cranked up the voltage on the whip and started giving her two lashes instead of one.

After a while she started ignoring him. It was the only thing she had left and that was to fight or die trying.

 _Don't ever give up. Don't ever give up._ Once again her father's words come back to haunt her.

 _"Present"_

Shepard hung from the ceiling. Blood was dripping down her back.

"We can do this all day."

Shepard didn't know if she could lose any more blood and as if to prove a point she coughed up some more. Spitting it out on the floor in front of her. She wanted so badly to cry but she still wouldn't let herself. Not now, not ever. Her eyes welled up with tears but she didn't let them fall. She didn't allow the weakness. It would kill her if she let it. So instead she laughed to mask the tears that wanted to fall. Her shoulders ached from her arms hanging by the chains. Her wrists were stinging from the cuffs that were digging into them. She has felt all this before but reliving it again was a fucking nightmare. She felt so weak now like it was hard to stay awake. How many times does one have to get tortured in their life before it breaks them?

She looked down at the ground and saw the red liquid pool beneath her feet. She was going to die here, in this place. She couldn't believe this would happen, that this did happen. She thought back to the person who did this to her and saw red. She wanted to kill him before she died and now she couldn't do that. It was too late. It always has and always will be too late.

The Turian allowed one more whip to her wounded back and then he let her knees give out. The chains were too tight on her wrists so she wasn't able to lay on the floor. Only her knees were slightly bent. "You are wasting your time fighting. He will win. He always does." The Turian said in a small whisper. She swore she heard a hint of empathy in his voice but she chose to ignore it. This man was capable of feeling such a thing.

Then he walked away from her. Sighing in exhaustion he walked over to the door. As soon as he left. She felt herself cry. Warm tears streaking down her face. The salt on her lips.

She just wanted this to be over. Then the chains dropped from the ceiling. She fell to the floor exhausted. Her arms hurt so bad but the relief was enough to make her whimper.

Just when she was about to faint she heard the doors swish back open. She tried to lift her head up to see a figure walking through but couldn't make it out cause her vision was getting blurry. Everything was slowly getting dark now. She was going to pass out soon.

When the figure got closer they crouched down slightly so she could see their face. It was an Asari. She was holding a very human looking black bag and her arm was lighting up with a holographic orange showing her omni tool.

Shepard wanted only one person right then and that was her brother John. She whispered his named before Jane lost consciousness. This time she welcomed the darkness, because that meant there will be no more pain. The darkness was a friend to her. It wrapped her up in a warm blanket and kept her safe and for the second time in Jane Shepard's life she actually wanted to die.

She wanted to die.

That was the realization Shepard had just before her mind went to the dark abyss.


	2. A Taste of Dying

**Author's notes: told you it was dark. Now get ready for Chapter 2 because it gets worse. Before things get better they have to get worse, right? Somethings actually never get better. So beware this chapter is brutal. Spoiler alert: Shepard gets raped. You are warned.**

 **Bioware owns everything of course.**

 _"There's got to be more to it than this, or tell me why do we exist. I'd like to think that when I die I'd get a chance another time and to return and live again. Reincarnate, play the game, again and again and again." Infinite Dreams- Iron Maiden._

Shepard woke. It was the next cycle, or so she believed. She forgot where she was for a second then she felt the pain in her shoulder, the realization crashed on her.

This wasn't a horrible dream. This nightmare was her reality.

How could she let this happen? Why didn't she fight harder? She could practically hear her father in her ear telling her that her failure is her fault. That she made the wrong choice. She made the wrong fucking choice. Thinking back there were so many opportunities to fight. She didn't need to let him take her like he did. He could have killed her whole crew but since when has that ever stopped her from doing what needs to be done?

She let her forehead fall to the floor, guilt and regret weighing on her soul. Plus her body hurt so bad she felt herself trembling slightly. Or maybe she was just cold? She shivered again realizing how cold it really was in the room she was in.

Her father was right. He always was. She should have listened to him.

She was laying on her stomach with her legs bent in a feeble type position. She was unchained from the ceiling but her wrists were still cuffed in front of her and she was still naked. She opened her eyes and looked at the ground beneath only realizing now she is in a different room. That's why it was so cold. She pulled on the cuffs only to have them dig in tighter. They were the type of cuffs that could cut off the circulation in her hands if she wasn't careful.

The floor was a bright white that had an unfamiliar feel to it. Something she couldn't describe, like porcelain but not. It was cold, hard, and lonely. The floor was a perfect metaphor for her life. Lonely.

Shepard groaned out loud when she tried to roll over only to put pressure on her hurt back and wounded shoulder. She stayed on her side with her legs curled up instead. She whimpered softly and tried to breath. Then counted to three.

 _Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale._ She practiced her sniper training to slow down her racing heart. And to hopefully make the pain somehow stop.

"You shouldn't move." A females voice alerted Shepard to full awareness. Ignoring the pain completely, Shepard rolled over and sat up anyways, while her ass still stayed on the floor. Everything in her body hurt, she felt so broken. But it didn't matter.

The Commander looked at the blue Asari standing behind the glass. The room they put her in was different than the one before, this room had all glass walls with small holes at the top. The Asari was standing at the door where more small holes to speak through.

"Who are you?" Shepard's throat cracked when she spoke. It felt so dry she could barely swallow. She looked around for a cup of water and saw the small metallic bowl that was left for her. She went to it immediately and downed the whole thing without caring if it was Turian piss. She was dying of thirst and she needed to keep hydrated.

"My name is Liara T'Soni. I'm sorry you are here." The Asari said with full remorse in her voice, or so Shepard believed. Maybe the Asari just wanted Shepard to think she was being remorseful.

Shepard laughed. It wasn't funny but laughing is the only thing that made Shepard sane right now. "Yeah.. well shit happens, right?" She continued to laugh.

The Asari doesn't so much as giggle. She looked at Shepard as if she was crazy. "What they are doing to you is wrong. The Council has no idea what Sarens plans are and if they found out he would have his Spectre status revoked and he would be killed for treason."

The human woman looked at her and stopped laughing. Taking her serious now. "What do you mean the Council doesn't know?" Shepard figured the Council knew but did nothing about it. That the Turian government was responsible so the Council didn't want to look bad by admitting it. At least that's what she was told.

"They wouldn't allow this to go on if they knew what Saren was doing." The Asari wasn't lying but Shepard still didn't trust her.

"Why are you telling me this? What's in it for you?" She narrowed her eyes in suspicion. This was obviously a trap or something.

T'Soni looked around to make sure no one else was there and whispered. "He's forcing me to stay on his ship. My mother..." she exhaled quietly and then continued to speak. "My mother is his partner. She... forced me to stay here. He has infected her mind with something." Liara gulped like she had been holding that in for the longest time. "I need your help if we both want to get out of here and turn Saren in for what he has done. Please you are the only person I have."

"What makes you think I'll trust you? How do I know you're not playing me?" Shepard crossed her arms over her chest.

"Please! You are the only one that's strong enough to defeat him. I need your help. He is a monster. I am nothing like my mother. I haven't spoken to her in years! She kidnapped me with Saren!" She begged, it almost looked like she was about to cry. Shepard couldn't help it. She didn't have the strength to turn her away and she didn't have much of a choice. Liara was Shepard's only way out of this fucking place. For now she would play Liara's game even if that meant pretending to help her.

"You don't think I know he is a monster? You don't think I can't see it? I'll help. But you better be real with me or I will have no hesitation to put a bullet between your eyes." Shepard was harsh. She can admit that. But it needed to be said.

Liara was shocked for a brief moment then she nodded. "I promise I'm not lying."

"What's the plan?" Shepard went along with it for now. Shepard had to trust her instincts and they told her that Liara was telling the truth. And if she wasn't? Well who the fuck cares right? What could be worse than this?

"We don't have time to discuss it. We only have a few more seconds to talk before the cameras come back on. In a few days a Turian will come on board, you will know him when you see him. You can trust him. You must never speak of this moment again not until it's safe. Saren has eyes and ears all over the ship. We need to be careful." She rushed while backing away toward the door.

"I-I understand." Shepard nodded but wasn't sure. She had multiple questions. She didn't have much details about the Turian or who he was. There are probably hundreds of Turians aboard this vessel. How could she know who to trust? And would Shepard just because this one Asari told her so?

"For now Saren will try to break you." She said just before she turned to leave. "Stay strong."

Shepard sighed while looking at the door where Liara was standing. If she was telling the truth then Jane had a shot at getting out of there. But if she wasn't then she could be walking into another trap, one she'd see from miles away. Either way it was a better alternative.

 _Three days later_

Shepard was trapped in a cell. She was trapped in a cell with one small toilet and she was still naked.

She was pacing back and forth from one end to the other. It hurt bad, but she ignored it. She was counting each step simply because she was bored out of her mind and needed to do something besides just sit there alone with her dark thoughts. The walls were beginning to close in on her. She had no idea how long it actually had been since she was taken. Time doesn't exist in this place.

Her back was feeling slightly better. The bandages that Liara put on had fallen off, she couldn't see the cuts but she could still feel them. They were too deep for medigel to heal all the way. Shepard can feel the wound tighten every time she moved.

She saw him out the corner of her eye before he even got to her cell. Saren.

He was tall. Each step he took there was a confidence to it that spoke of arrogance. Shepard cursed out loud. She wasn't going to let him win.

He brought the large whip with the electric shock. It made Shepard cringe slightly as she looked away.

"My best man told me he couldn't break you. Since you continue to make me look bad in front of the others I need to do something about it." He entered her cell with silent steps despite how big he really was.

Shepard backed away as far as she could go. She felt the cool glass on her back, it made her wince in pain. Saren's omni tool lights up and he pushed a couple buttons. The same type of chains came out of the floor through a small hatch that opened. Saren grabbed one with his left hand while holding the whip in the other.

Shepard saw a small escape route that led to the door. She bolted as quickly as she could but she wasn't fast enough. Saren whipped the whip out catching her ankle with it making her fall straight on her face. The impact made her head spin. He then pulled the whip closer to him dragging her along with it. She tried to get the whip off her ankle but it was locked in place.

He was on her in seconds. She kicked and punched but he was too strong and she wasn't strong enough, still weak from the beating she received and the gunshot wound. He then punched a couple more keys on his omni tool while pinning her down with his body. The door sealed shut. She had no way to escape now.

He clicked a chain on her cuffed wrists. The wounds still healing reopened and started bleeding again, blood getting on her arms.

He picked her up to make her stand on her feet. He then purposely put his hand on her neck, roughly and pushed her forward so only her top half would bend over.

Then he kicks the back of her knees causing her to fall to the ground. Her knees would bruise because of how hard the floor was and with how rough he was being. She made a few small noises of protest but she wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of begging. Then he started choking her with his hands. His talons digging hard in her throat. Her heart started beating faster and her vision blurred. She was going to die, she needed to breathe. Just when she thought she saw darkness, he let go, making her gasping for air. She coughed and gagged, spitting on the floor. Her vision slowly returned to normal.

"Fuck you." She uttered. Her voice was raspy. Barely recognizable in her own hers. Her throat burned with pained.

"Not yet. But soon my dear don't rush it." He said while running a sharp claw down her back to her ass, it stung bad, definitely drawing blood and would probably scar. Just another one to add to her collection.

She tried to head butt him but he still had a claw digging into the back of her neck. She was on her knees, which were now bruised, and her hands were chained behind her back.

He wrapped his claws around her throat from behind again but this time he pulled backward toward him to make her arch her back. He was now strangling her. She could feel his claws poking through her skin and her air way was being blocked. This was much worse than just choking. Her instincts told her to fight. But her body wasn't strong enough. She wasn't strong enough. That made Shepard whimper for the first time since she got captured. To Sarens satisfaction he squeezed tighter and growled. He released when she thought she would die, again. How many times is he going to play this sick game? _Just kill me already_ , she thought but that would be too easy and Saren wants to torture.

 _Don't ever give up._ She told herself.

 _"_ Are you ready to give up?" He asked growling in her ear. She could feel the lust radiate off of him.

"Never." She said with a weak raspy voice.

"I won't stop till I have you." He said while making her stand up from her knees. "You were supposed to be mine. You were supposed to give in. All the others did easily why isn't it working on you?" It was a rhetorical question, he didn't expect an answer. It was more like the deep thoughts of a Turian madman.

He then turned her around so she could face him. She narrowed her eyes when she saw that he was trying to be affectionate. It was all bullshit and lies. It wasn't real.

 _Don't trust him Shepard, no matter what, don't trust him._

He held tight on the back of her neck and then with his other hand he reached out with a claw and began marking her face.

She screamed then. She had to, the pain was so excruciating she thought she'd die, again. How many times is she going to think death is close? Only to be so far away. Her knees gave out and she fell to the floor.

He clawed around her right eye carving something of a symbol perhaps. She couldn't do anything but pull and tug against the chains on her wrists and ankles. Everything hurt. Pain was all she felt at this point.

She was barely conscious when she heard him say. "There is usually only one reason why a female doesn't give up, especially when being beaten." He paused and leaned forward. His breath fanning her ear. "They like it." He growled and she winced. "Then you will probably like this too." He stuck his tongue out licking her ear. "If not well it doesn't matter because I'm going to enjoy it either way." The doors to the room opened and about 25 or 30 Turians came into the room, but not into her cell. They all huddled outside of the glass, to watch like it was a main event. Shepard was already feeling humiliated, she could barely see, barely think, her brain felt like a scattered mess and her face throbbed. She didn't know what to do. She was hopeless.

He bent down and picked up the whip. He cracked the whip again this time hitting her ass cheek. The Turians started to growl and yell in excitement. A few even started to unbuckle their armor to free their Turian cocks. The lash he gave her wasn't that hard. She tried to get away from him. But he didn't like that. The pain on her face made it difficult. Saren gave her some medigel so she would stay conscious.

"Fuck you." She growled and then winced, her face hurt still hurt just not as bad.

 _He wasn't going to win_. She lied to make herself feel better.

"Hmm. Yes. Now it's time to fuck me." He said while undoing his lower armor.

They drop to the floor with a loud clank. Shepard turned her head around to look at him. He was already hard, his cock was huge, grey, and had bright blue cybernetic looking marks on it. It looked really abnormal even for an alien. All the Turians in the room began howling and chanting sexual obscenities.

She tried to pull away but he kept a hand locked onto her hip. Blood was smeared down her face into her eyes and in her mouth now. She couldn't see, and she could taste her own blood.

His other hand went to the back of her neck to keep her face pinned to the ground and her ass in the air. It hurt. A lot. She almost screamed again. The pain was almost too much. This was almost too much.

"I'm going to fucking kill you." She growled under her breath. Her heart was pounding and she was seeing red, she needed to hurt this man. The Turians still howled, they liked that she was playing hard to get.

"Shhh." He said then started stroking her hair with the hand that was keeping her face pinned to the ground. She sits back abruptly trying to headbutt him but he dodged it and then returned his hand to the back of her neck. Slamming her face hard to the ground. Her cheek hit the ground with such force she thought he broke it. He hit the side that was cut up, it hurt so bad she had to squeal. He gripped her neck, dug in hard, his talons piercing her skin. More Turians in the room started stroking their blue and grey cocks. It was so utterly humiliating she wished she could kill them all just to stop this. She imagined herself slicing up all their faces with her Katana. She vowed never to pick up her sword again, but tonight she wished she had. Hell if she did she wouldn't be here now. This would have never happened. Her father reminding her once again she is a failure. _You fail. You die. Simple as that._

He let go of her hip and then she felt his dick slide over her pussy from behind. She bit her tongue to keep from screaming out. She wasn't going to give anyone in this room that satisfaction. She tried to squirm away and kick at him but he had her completely pinned. She couldn't do anything. "No no no no no no." She whispered, and nearly begged, mainly to herself because she knew that begging was never an option. Her father's voice whispering in her ear again _we do not beg. You need to make the right choice._

She closed her eyes and prepared the worst she tried to shut down her brain to block it out but nothing worked. Then without any warning he shoved his dick in as hard as he could. The pain was overwhelming. She wasn't ready, or wet enough and it's been years since she has had sex.

He made this growling noise that got louder. He doesn't move for a few seconds, she heard him breathing hard, panting. "So tight. So soft." He said in her ear. She nearly threw up in her mouth. The Turians in the room got louder and started fucking each other, there were a few Turian women that were taking two cocks at a time. This was the most humiliating thing Shepard has ever gone through in her entire 25 years. And this time her brother John couldn't save her. Her father couldn't save her. She was all alone in this.

"Fuck you, sick bastard." She cursed while gritting her teeth. Then tried headbutting him again but he dodged it... again. She was beyond exhausted. She didn't know how much fight she had left in her. He pounded into her from behind and her pussy started to tighten up around him in pleasure. She didn't understand why, she didn't like it. Except for the fact that she loved being railed like this doggy style, she didn't like that it was being done by Saren, raped for that matter. Her pussy seemed to not understand that though. Shepard still kept her eyes closed and her jaw clenched shut. Her teeth felt like they were going to shatter. Saren must have drugged her. She doesn't know when or with what, but it was the only logical explanation.

She tried to get out of the cuffs a few more times only to make her wrists bleed even more. He clamped on to her right wounded shoulder with his talon causing her to wince. His claws digging in her wounded skin as he rammed into her going as hard as he could. She tried to concentrate on anything but what was happening at that moment, the Turians in the room were loud and only getting louder. She hoped it would be over soon, it was the only thing she could do at that point.

 _If there is a God, why did you let this happen? Why won't the pain ever stop?_ She whimpered in her own mind as she stared at the floor while taking this pounding. _How many times am I going to suffer in this life? How many more terrible moments will happen before it breaks me?_

For the third time in Jane Shepard's entire life, she prayed to a God that didn't exist, she begged for mercy that never came, and she cried for forgiveness that she didn't deserve.

She knew that whatever happens from this point on, nothing will be the same ever again.

Shepard laid on the floor of her cell. She was laying on the cold hard floor of her cell, shivering, and she was trapped once again.

She was on her side staring blankly at the glass. Blood was dripping from her shoulder, her face and everywhere else that seemed to be in pain. He clawed at her cheek giving her three wounds going around her left eye, to make her never forget what happened. So she never forgot what he did.

It worked. And she fucking hated him for it. She fucking hated him. _Fuck you!_ She yelled inside her own head trying to drown out her own thoughts.

Just when she thought she'd go crazy, she heard the door open from behind her. She doesn't move. She doesn't even care anymore. Any fight she had in her soul was gone and she was completely broken. She just wished he would kill her already.

She felt small gentle hands touch her back. "Goddess." She heard Liara whisper. Shepard's heart was filled with joy and dread at the same time. She was happy it wasn't Saren.

Images of what he did flashed in her mind and she got angry. She would never forget, he was right about that.

Liara spent the next 20 minutes or so cleaning Shepard up. There was blood down in her private area too, Liara put medigel to help heal it.

Shepard's body started shaking uncontrollably, no matter how many times she was almost raped on Earth, she always found a way out, a way to fight. Now? Now she was so helpless that she couldn't find a way out of it. If she had her sword this never would have happened.

 _Don't give up Shepard._ She told herself. _Don't think like that. Not now._

 _But you know it's true. If you had Irissa back on the Normandy this never would have happened ._

 _THIS NEVER WOULD HAVE HAPPENED._

Her own thoughts are betraying her now. She fucking hates this. She was losing her fucking mind.

Liara cleaned her face up putting medigel on it while Shepard was laying on the ground staring blankly at the glass ceiling. She can see the inside of what looked like a cargo bay which is where her cage was at.

"Has he done it to you?" Liara jumped when Shepard spoke. Her face has lines of worry etched into it but Jane doesn't look at her with focused eyes. She doesn't want her pity. Shepard simply stares blankly like she is thinking about something, like she is not paying attention to anything around her.

"No." The blue women said. "He's never done that to me. Are you feeling okay?" Her voice was soothing. Sweet. In another time Shepard could imagine Liara as someone innocent and uncorrupted by the outside world. But this wasn't that time. This was it. This was her reality and this place was hell. No this place was worse than hell.

"No." Shepard breathed out trying not to cry. _How can I be okay? Will I ever be okay?_ If Liara touched her again she sure she would burst into tears. "But thanks for asking." Shepard's voice cracked. She wasn't going to cry. _Stay strong Jane._ Her father spoke again. She had to stay strong.

"It will all be over soon." Liara whispered. Shepard barely heard her say it, but she wished that were true. She wished she were right. She wished she could end this once and for all but in this life, wishes don't come true. Shepard learned that when she was a child.

"Do you really believe in God?" Shepard asked weakly. She heard Liara say Goddess a few times so she must believe in something. Some nonexistent religion.

Liara whispered. "Yes. I do but our Goddess is different than yours."

"To me our God always felt like something mankind made up to feel less alone. To feel like they are born into this world with a single purpose. It's quit enlightening if you think about it." Shepard paused to swallow. "But now? I'm more alone than I have ever been and instead of wishing for God, I am praying that he doesn't exist because if he does, dead or alive, I will not live in peace. I can't forgive God if he or she exists for what they have let happen in this fucked up place." Shepard would have felt bad for her words but instead of feeling guilty. She felt relieved. She needed to let out the emotions she had been keeping locked inside her. "What kind of God allows this to happen? A kind I don't want to meet. A kind that does not exist."

Liara touched Shepard's shoulder for comfort but it didn't work. Shepard was still sore so the hand felt hot, it burned. Would Shepard ever feel comforted again? She doubted she would. "You'll find peace one day." Liara's words sounded like a promise but to Shepard they felt empty and meaningless.

Shepard wished Liara was right. She wished that she could believe in peace. She wanted to believe in it so much but she knew deep down inside that it can never be true. Because in this life there is only one thing that she is meant to do, and that is to kill or to die. She would die in this place and that would be okay.

Liara stood up to leave. When she got to the door it opened automatically for her and then closed behind her. Shepard thought about taking her out and running through the door but then thought better of it. She wouldn't have a pistol and she wouldn't be able to get to Saren and kill him in time before his guards were alerted. Plus they were being monitored. She didn't have the strength to even try. For now she'd wait and she'd fight for as long as it took. Even if it killed her in the process.

 _Don't ever give up. Don't ever give up. Even if you die._

 _"Somebody please tell me that I'm dreaming. It's not easy to stop from screaming, but words escape me when I try to speak. Tears they flow but why am I crying? After all I'm not afraid of dying. Don't I believe that there never is an end?" Hallowed Be Thy Name- Iron Maiden_


	3. Infinite Pain

_"Mark my words believe my soul lives on. Don't worry now that I have gone. I've gone beyond to seek the truth. When you know that your time is close at hand, maybe then you'll begin to understand, life down there is just a strange illusion." Hollowed Be Thy Name- Iron Maiden._

 _3 weeks later_

Death would have been better than this. Being trapped in a cold cell while Saren came in and did things to her whenever he pleased was much much worse. Shepard was so angry she wanted to scream and kill him with her bare hands, but she was still too weak. He purposely kept her just weak enough to where she couldn't fight back. The anger was the only thing she had left to hold on too.

There is nothing worse in this life than being physically too weak.

Weeks have gone by and Shepard was still trapped in her cell the whole time never once leaving. Time began to blur together in one continuous loop. Maybe she was already dead and this is the hell she deserved for everything she has done.

Liara came and brought food throughout the week, or what would be consider as food, it was more of a paste like substance that tasted like Turian vomit. Not that she would know what Turian vomit tasted like. But Shepard didn't want to know where it came from. In fact she didn't particularly care. She just wanted to build up enough strength to fight this nightmare she has been living. But no matter how hard she tried. It wasn't enough.

It will never be enough.

Sometimes she would work out to keep her moving but eventually she felt too exhausted to even move. She was dehydrated and her stomach growled for real food. So she ended up just lying there staring through the glass ceiling trying to think of a way out of this.

Saren was trying to do something with her and Shepard was unwilling so it wasn't working to his satisfaction. He wanted her to submit. But she wasn't going too. She'd rather die.

Liara told her to keep strong and to never give in. Liara was the only hope Shepard had and yet she still didn't believe her.

Shepard was still lying on the floor. She barely moved at all and her body was still extremely sore from him. It hurt to move. She heard her door open like usual but instead of the soft padded footsteps of Liara's feet, she heard the big loud steps of Sarens.

Shepard played the same game she has been playing. She immediately closed her eyes and willed herself to slow down her breathing as much as possible. His steps got closer till he crouched down near her. She fucking hated him.

"My pet." He whispered while stroking her hair with his bare hand. She flinched underneath his touch wanting so badly to get away from him. "I know you can feel it. Feel me." He continued. And he's right, she can... feel him, his presence, his black hole of a heart. He was a monster.

"I fucking hate you." She muttered but it sounded weak and pathetic even in her own ears.

"I thought you'd eventually warm up to me and give in." He stroked her hair and she hated herself for liking it. Then she felt nauseous. "It's been 3 weeks."

Shepard didn't respond. Has it really been 3 weeks?

He sighed and then retracted his hand away. "I thought you needed a few weeks to adjust but clearly this isn't going to work." He went to touch her one more time but she scooted away from him. He grabbed her and pulled her up roughly. He grabbed the back of her neck and made her look at him in the eyes. His eyes weren't real. They couldn't be real, they were too bright. Then without question he shoves his mouth on hers, trying to kiss her. She rejected it right away but she couldn't help but notice how strange his Turian tongue felt against hers. It was rough and longer than a humans tongue. She hated that she enjoyed it. But it was different there was something wrong. So without any doubt in her mind she bit down as hard as she could onto his tongue. Blue Turian blood instantly squirted out. He roared so loud it made her ears ring. He then smacked her across the face again making her head hit the ground. He hit the same side with the cuts on it, causing them to reopen and bleed. He then backed away quickly while holding his mouth with his hands.

He growled with extreme anger in his sub vocals, even though she couldn't hear it, his voice was an octave lower than normal. Her body shivered because of it. "I must get rid of you then." He paused to lick up some of his own blood on his mouth. "You are of no use to me now."

Shepard hoped for death. She didn't care what he did as long as he would stop doing what he was doing now. Her face hurt so bad she had a hard time focusing.

"I'll sell you. In case you're wondering. The Turians are on verge of going to war with your humans. You're a prison of war now in the eyes of our government. Among others that have been taken, but the great Commander Jane Shepard, sister of Captain John Shepard, butcher of those Batarian soldiers on Torphan. Someone will pay high price for you." He wasn't lying. Where the fuck was this Turian that Liara said she could trust? It was probably a ruse to give Shepard the false hope that didn't exist.

 _Fuck could this get any worse?_

 _S_ hepard guessed it was better than the alternative which was staying with Saren.

She didn't respond. She didn't have it in her will power to do so. One day, she would kill him that was for sure, but for now she was too weak, too broken, she needed more time to heal.

"It's a shame. You could have been such a loyal pet. You could have had anything you ever wanted." he paused. "Oh well." And then shrugged like it was no big deal.

Shepard couldn't take his condescending tone anymore, she snapped, "I don't fucking care. You obviously don't know me if you thought I would give in so easily. You obviously don't know who I am. One day, no matter how long it's been, I will hunt you down to the very edge of the galaxy and put a bullet in your he-."

Suddenly he kicked her hard in the kidney. She gasped for air as she clutched her side.

"You humans are so primitive. So weak and stupid as a species. There is a bigger role to this than any of you realize." He sneered while she gasped for air.

"If..." she started to say but still gasping for air, "you're really going to tell me that it's nothing personal, then kill me now and get it over with. I'd rather die than be a slave!"

He laughed his fake mocking laugh. "We are all salves, Pet." He finally turned away with a click of his mandibles and stomped out her cell.

She laid there on her side curled in a ball naked. She was still naked. She was shivering because of the cold and her body shook every few seconds. The cold floor made it worse, it was oddly too cold she noted. Her body was sweating which was odd because she was freezing. Her teeth were chattering. It felt like she had a fever. She crawled to the bowl that was left before Saren got there. Water was still in it. Her face still throbbing. Everything hurt.

She sighed and drank a tiny bit. She felt a little better but her body was still shaking. She spent the next few hours like that, she rocked back and forth on her side, then finally let her tears fall. She had been holding them back for days now, she couldn't take it anymore.

She cried for hours, sobbed like a little girl, she yelled for someone to come save her. But no one ever did. No one ever would.

She was all alone.

And despite everything that has ever happened in Shepard's life, she never felt so utterly hopeless, so weak and she fucking hated herself for it. Why didn't she fight stronger? Why did she give in so easily? Never again. She vowed. Never again.

The next day cycle Shepard was laying in the middle of her cell. She was starting to feel disgusting. Dirty even. She hadn't showered since she arrived in this fucked up place Saren forbid it until she gave in to his demands. This time it was different though. She heard the loud foots steps approach her cell like always except this time it felt different. She turned her head to look at the Turian approaching her cage and it wasn't Saren for once.

He was tall even for a Turian. He was wearing dark blue armor, and he had a black cloak on his back that had a hood attached to it which was currently down. The cloak looked torn and ripped from wear and tear.

He also had a bright blue eye piece on his left eye. Shepard noted his sniper status right away. His whole demeanor spoke leadership and confidence. He had sharp shooter skills which meant he was dangerous. His armor plating (skin) was a lighter grey for Turian standards. He had cobalt blue clan markings that Shepard found intriguing. But she ignored her spontaneous curiosity.

He just stood there for a few more minutes watching her without saying anything, without entering her cell. Her eyes felt heavy so she turned her head away from him and closed her eyes. That's when she heard another Turian enter the room. The sound was familiar to Saren's.

"Spectre Saren. Congratulations on the operation." The blue Turian said. His voice smooth and delicate but strong and deep at the same time with a slight growl to it. It shook her insides. The duel toned voice was beautiful. What the fuck did they give her?

Saren said in acknowledgment. "Commander Vakarian. I have a problem I need you to solve for me… quietly."

"And you're trusting me with this... why?" Garrus Vakarian was his name. She knows who he is, one of Saren's best operatives and the next Turian to become a Spectre. Shepard stayed on her side with her back towards the two. Her eyes remained closed. She just felt so tired.

"I'm giving you the opportunity you asked for. This is it. I want you to take her." Shepard's heart was racing now, beating through her chest.

"Who is she?" He questioned.

"Garrus, I'm surprised you don't know. It's Commander Shepard."

Garrus, was his name. Commander Garrus Vakarian. Shepard remembered reading about him. She read that he was working for Saren and one of the most well respected Turians in citadel space. He was ruthless and dangerous.

"I barely recognize her. Why is she so injured?" Garrus asked. It almost sounded like he was worried but Shepard knew better than to believe it.

"She refused to submit. She's a wild one Vakarian. Be careful." Saren replied. At that point Shepard couldn't let them talk about her like that anymore. She opened her eyes then turned her body so she could get up without hurting herself. Her hands still cuffed in front of her. It still hurt but she ignored it. She faced the two Turians who were standing outside her cell. Saren begins to laugh in a that mocking humorless laugh of his. Garrus looked at him for a moment then looked back towards Shepard. She could have sworn she saw sympathy in his eyes but how the fuck could she know? She wasn't that great at reading Turian faces yet.

"Open the door." Garrus told Saren who stopped laughing now.

Saren then unlocked the door walking in first. Garrus followed behind him taking off the cloak that was attached to his armor.

Saren grabbed Shepard roughly by the arms. While handing her over to Garrus. He also gave Garrus the manual key to the cuffs and then said "I'd leave these on if I were you." He looked at the cloak that Garrus was now holding in his other arm. He didn't say anything just stared at the other Turian while he put it gently around her shoulders. He tied it in the front to cover her chest. His gloved fingers were so close to her heart and breasts she felt her heart speed up even faster, if that was possible.

She gave in and looked into his eyes. They were the most expressive, beautiful blue eyes she has ever seen. They were bright electric blue and they looked so sad for her that she almost believed him. His eye piece was going crazy with information which he ignored. Was this the Turian Liara said she could trust? Or was it wishful thinking? She sensed he was honest, but she wasn't sure, she doesn't know if she can trust her instincts anymore. She used to be able to rely off of her instincts and they guided her through every right path but right now she wasn't sure.

She forced herself to look away. Saren was watching the exchange with mild interest but he didn't really care. "She is a slave now she doesn't deserve to be covered." He sneered but shrugged like he didn't care either way.

Garrus sighed, irritation clearly on his face but he was trying to hide it. "What do you want me to do to her?" He said looking over at Saren then back down at Shepard. She gave him a glare then.

"I don't care. Be done with her. Bond with her. Make her submit or sell her. I don't care how much just give me the credits when you're done; you can keep 20%." Saren started to walk away.

"Yes sir," Garrus said and then he gently put a hand on Shepard's shoulder. Normally she wouldn't have flinched but he touched the spot Saren shot. It made her hiss in pain. The Turian backed away instantly like he was afraid to touch her now, but instead he put a hand gently on her lower back escorting her out of her cell. Saren was waiting for them by the elevator with a blank expression. Shepard fucking hated him. One day she would kill him and end his miserable existence.

By the time they got to the main deck where the airlock was for docking. Liara had joined them. "Go with Vakarian. Make sure she is properly healed." Saren ordered Liara who just stood there and nodded.

All three of them looked at her then. Shepard felt dizzy and was barely able to stand straight. She really just wanted to sleep and never wake up. At least then she wouldn't be in this fucked up nightmare.

Garrus and Liara walked besides Shepard. As soon as those airlock doors closed behind her she felt herself relax. She was just happy that she was away from Saren. Even if it was just trading one evil for the other, she was happy to be out of that fucking cage.

 _*Garrus*_

Garrus Vakarian looked down at the fragile human and he felt regret. Regret that he didn't get to her sooner. When Liara had sent him the message that she needed him for something; he had no idea what that something really was.

Commander Jane Shepard walked beside him. Her hands still cuffed in front of her and she still wore the cloak he had put on her shoulders.

Her face was so bloody, mixed with red and blue creating a slight purple, that he barely could see her face. Her red hair was probably once beautiful but now it was matted and greasy. Garrus could smell the odor but he ignored it. Saren had her for weeks and he never once let her shower. He cursed at himself for taking so long.

Garrus waited until they detached from Saren's ship to finally say something to Shepard who surprisingly didn't say anything at all. "Liara go to the medical bay and tell Solana to meet us in my quarter's. She needs some rest and a hot shower."

At the mention of a hot shower got Shepard to stop and look at Garrus with a questioning look on her face. Liara left for the medical bay without saying a word.

"We'll talk later. For now you need to get clean, eat, and then rest." Garrus told her truthfully.

Her eyes began to water in that weird way that some species do when they cry, or express sadness. His heart hurt for her and his anger towards Saren grew. This was the final straw. He decided right then that he wouldn't go back to Saren. Even if they didn't have enough evidence to accuse him. He hoped Shepard would be enough for the Council to at least consider it.

She broke eye contact with him and looked forward. Garrus started walking again and this time Shepard followed without hesitation. The mention of food and a shower brought a little life back into her. She looked so dead, emotionless, he wanted to comfort her for some illogical reason and he didn't know why. There have been hundreds of humans that Saren has toyed with and while Garrus felt bad, he knew he had a duty. In order to become a Spectre he must turn Saren in for the things he has done. But now staring at this human he couldn't help but feel something for her. This woman was feared upon. Her brother was a war hero. She was not someone to be taken lightly. Yet her she was damn near broken. Shattered.

They continued to walk to Garrus' quarters where he figured she'd have the most privacy. He was the only one on his ship that had a private bathroom. He went into the bathroom and turned on the shower for her. When he walked out she was standing in the middle of his room looking around with slight curiosity to her features. He wasn't that good at reading humans but they have similar to facial features to Asaris and he has a lot of experience with that.

"I turned the water on for you. I hope it isn't too hot. Liara should have some clothes for you when you get out. And my sister Solana is a great Doctor, although she has never worked on humans yet, she has studied your species more than anyone I know." Garrus told her. She remained silent. He then realized that the cuffs were still on her. He apologized under his breath, and then took the key that Saren gave him unlocking the cuffs. When he grabbed her wrists he noticed how soft her skin was. Garrus felt a little awkward so he took the cuffs with him and then moved toward the door to give her some privacy. Shepard was rubbing her wrists on where the cuffs were at and they had bright red marks dug into her skin. He cursed Saren for the 100th time.

Right before he was about to walk out the door, she whispered, "thank you." If Garrus didn't have superior hearing he wouldn't have heard it. But that thank you went straight to his soul. She was so broken. What the fuck did Saren do to her? Suddenly Garrus was filled with rage that had been building up for years. He needed to walk away before he ended up scaring her. He left his room with her inside and let the doors shut behind him. He refused to lock them. As much as he didn't want her to leave, or try to leave, he didn't want her to feel uncomfortable. Garrus imagined that locking her in his room would freak her out even more.

Solana and Liara were now just getting to his room. Liara had a thing of clothes in her arms and Solana had her usual medical bag. "How is she?" Solana asked.

"She's… I don't know. She'll be okay for right now but…whatever Saren did to her will be marked with her for the rest of her life." Garrus told her. Why did he feel for this human so badly? Maybe because he feels guilty for not getting to Saren sooner. Although it wouldn't have matter because in the end, it was up to Saren to give her away.

"That bastard." Solana said clearly upset. "We can't keep doing this Garrus."

"I know, sis. I know." Garrus replied walking away. He was going to the kitchen to get her something to eat that human might like. He has no idea what humans eat but he figured anything solid would do.

* _Shepard*_

Shepard watched Garrus leave. Her heart was racing. Was that the Turian Liara said she could trust? Did Shepard even believe Liara? Either way the sound of the water running made her feet move towards the bathroom. She could smell how bad she smelt and she could feel all the dried up blood on her. She entered the bathroom. It was huge with two showers on both sides. Shepard took the cloak off her shoulders letting it drop to the floor she slowing made her way to the shower. It was really hot. Almost too hot. But she didn't care. She felt like Saren was still on her body and she wanted it gone. So she sat in the burning hot water for who knows how long.

Shepard heard the doors to the room open, but because she was in the bathroom it had a separate door so she didn't see who entered. Her heart began racing again has she expected the worst.

She heard a slight knock on the door. "Shepard? It's me Liara, I have some clothes, a towel, and some soap that smells like flowers." Shepard didn't respond. So Liara came inside anyways. She set the soap and the clothes on the sink and then left without saying anything else. Shepard was grateful for that.

Jane walked over to the sink and grabbed the soap then walked back into the shower. She pretty much used the whole bottle of soap and she was totally okay with that. Shepard scrubbed and scrubbed until her skin turned raw. She just wanted Saren gone from her skin.

When Shepard was done, it took her a while, but she figured out how to turn off the shower, then she walked over to the sink. The reflection she saw in the mirror resembled someone she didn't recognize. The girl in the mirror looked broken and beaten. The wound around her eye dripped a little blood, her dark red wet hair stuck to her face. The bullet wound in her shoulder was now dried up and scarred really bad. She turned around to see her back side. She started to cry then. There were so many marks on her back, scars, wounds on top of wounds that never seem to end. Her tears fell down her face as she starred at herself in the mirror. She looked so pathetic. So weak. She hated herself for it.

After a little while she composed herself and grabbed the clothes Liara had left her. They were meant for an Asari but they still fit Shepard pretty good. Just regular black sweat pants with a black tank top. She didn't have underwear but the fact she was wearing normal clothes made Shepard feel better.

When she existed the bathroom. Garrus, Liara, and a female turian were waiting for her to get out. The female turian must be the doctor Garrus mention, he said her name was Solana, she had a beg with her that looked like a medical bag. Liara was sitting down in the corner of the room where a couch was placed. Garrus was sitting down on the bed which he held a trey of something that smelt delicious. Shepard's stomach growled the moment she say the food.

All three of them look at her with worried looks on their faces. Garrus stands up and then tells her, "I don't know what humans like to eat, the extranet was very unhelpful. So I just got some random items that you could try."

"Thank you." Shepard said before grabbing the trey from Garrus. She sits down on the bed with her legs crossed and she devours the food. It was actually really good and Shepard ended up eating everything on the trey. When she was done she looked up and noticed that all three were staring at her intently.

"Shepard this is my sister Solana. She will take care of your wounds and then you can get some rest. I want you to know that I don't plan on do what Saren ordered me to do. In fact we are never going back on the ship again." Garrus spoke to get rid of the awkward tension.

Shepard looked at him slightly confused, but overall she trusted that he was telling the truth. She doesn't know what it is with this turian, but she has feeling that she can trust him. Shepard still didn't reply. She didn't know what to say other than thank you. Garrus looked at her one more time before turning around to leave. Liara was behind him.

After they left Solana patched up some of Shepard's wounds including the one of her face. "I'm so sorry Saren did this to you." Solana looked every similar to Garrus except she was turian. Shepard has never seen a female turian but this one was defiantly beautiful.

Solana was finished patching her up, "if you need anything don't hesitate to come find me. Garrus will give you a proper tour of the ship later, after you get some rest."

Shepard nodded and continued to stare blankly at the wall. Solana left quietly, the door swooshing shut after she leaves. Jane laid flat on her back on the turian bed and stared directly at the ceiling. Events from the past 3 weeks flash in her brain. She in unable to stop the terrible memories from forming.

After what seemed like forever she finally drifted off into sleep. She was so exhausted that sleep came easily. She only hope she wouldn't dream.


End file.
